The Outsider
Some of us were born outsiders. It is innate to our genes, and it is not a bad thing. We are those who stand just outside the norm, that invisible line that says we do not see, feel, think or process thoughts the way the majority does. We have no true peer group - not because we are above the masses, but because we are not of the masses.
Outsiders are those who as youngsters and teens were convinced they missed something because reading the clues to relationships and interactions in the same way others did was impossible. Painful mistakes were made, actions misunderstood. At heart, some of us were introverted and shy but labeled aloof or geeky by those incapable of seeing past the superficial facade. Others used brashness, foul language and outrageous actions to cover their feelings of inadequacy by proclaiming their disdain for 'belonging.' Worried at first, greater seasoning and maturity brought the knowledge to many that their initial disconnect was a cosmic blessing in disguise. Those of us who stood apart, observed and listened, became the ones who could bridge the gaps between generations because experience and introspection allowed them to objectively see both sides. Rather than a single view point, they could understand many.
I am now, have always been, and will always be an outsider. It is a position I relish.
Outsiders are not extremists, but we understand extremes. We observe, we often judge, but we rarely condemn in our judgments. We automatically look for context to any occurrence or event because we know from experience that no reaction or reflection is valid unless it is sensed fully. Infrequently we will know things without realizing how or why we know them, some quantum leap occurring in the synapses that link our external senses to our internal mental analyses. We often surprise even ourselves.
Speaking only for myself as an outsider, I must admit that learning can never cease. Many of the lessons are painful and difficult; requiring an introspection that while fearful demands a level of bravery bordering on bravado to truly look deep inside and acknowledge what is found there. Because of these ever recurring lessons, one's belief system cannot be held sacroscant. As more and newer lessons are learned, core beliefs can alter and become more refined - if one is willing to continue searching. My truths will always be only my truths. None of us can fully share truths. They are not mirror images. They will never be exact from one person to another because none of us share exactly the same innate make up, the exact same nuturing, the exact same experiences within the exact same context. That is why my truths are only mine and yours are only yours, even if they often intersect.
Which brings me to this blog - this personalized item of self entertainment and introspection. Although I called it "you didn't ask, but..." it is a written record of opinions based on my observations, experiences and tendency to ponder. They are as honest within the context in which they were written as I can make them. My intent is not to argue anyone to my way of thinking. I'm not selling anything. But ... and there is always a but ... if anything I say causes someone to ask themselves a question never before considered, or raises a different view, or reassures them they are not alone in some quandry, this bit of blogging self-indulgence will have done more than I ever expected.
Were you, as a reader, ever to ask me in person what I thought about some question that haunted or intrigued you, or some about decision you needed to make, I would be unable to give you any more than what you see here. When those questions are usually asked, the person is seeking only validation of what they already think, and I am no one's mirror. Take what you want from these postings, but you must really do your own work. Listen, observe, read, and most of all, think for yourself.
Outsiders are those who as youngsters and teens were convinced they missed something because reading the clues to relationships and interactions in the same way others did was impossible. Painful mistakes were made, actions misunderstood. At heart, some of us were introverted and shy but labeled aloof or geeky by those incapable of seeing past the superficial facade. Others used brashness, foul language and outrageous actions to cover their feelings of inadequacy by proclaiming their disdain for 'belonging.' Worried at first, greater seasoning and maturity brought the knowledge to many that their initial disconnect was a cosmic blessing in disguise. Those of us who stood apart, observed and listened, became the ones who could bridge the gaps between generations because experience and introspection allowed them to objectively see both sides. Rather than a single view point, they could understand many.
I am now, have always been, and will always be an outsider. It is a position I relish.
Outsiders are not extremists, but we understand extremes. We observe, we often judge, but we rarely condemn in our judgments. We automatically look for context to any occurrence or event because we know from experience that no reaction or reflection is valid unless it is sensed fully. Infrequently we will know things without realizing how or why we know them, some quantum leap occurring in the synapses that link our external senses to our internal mental analyses. We often surprise even ourselves.
Speaking only for myself as an outsider, I must admit that learning can never cease. Many of the lessons are painful and difficult; requiring an introspection that while fearful demands a level of bravery bordering on bravado to truly look deep inside and acknowledge what is found there. Because of these ever recurring lessons, one's belief system cannot be held sacroscant. As more and newer lessons are learned, core beliefs can alter and become more refined - if one is willing to continue searching. My truths will always be only my truths. None of us can fully share truths. They are not mirror images. They will never be exact from one person to another because none of us share exactly the same innate make up, the exact same nuturing, the exact same experiences within the exact same context. That is why my truths are only mine and yours are only yours, even if they often intersect.
Which brings me to this blog - this personalized item of self entertainment and introspection. Although I called it "you didn't ask, but..." it is a written record of opinions based on my observations, experiences and tendency to ponder. They are as honest within the context in which they were written as I can make them. My intent is not to argue anyone to my way of thinking. I'm not selling anything. But ... and there is always a but ... if anything I say causes someone to ask themselves a question never before considered, or raises a different view, or reassures them they are not alone in some quandry, this bit of blogging self-indulgence will have done more than I ever expected.
Were you, as a reader, ever to ask me in person what I thought about some question that haunted or intrigued you, or some about decision you needed to make, I would be unable to give you any more than what you see here. When those questions are usually asked, the person is seeking only validation of what they already think, and I am no one's mirror. Take what you want from these postings, but you must really do your own work. Listen, observe, read, and most of all, think for yourself.
posted by kaz at 2:31 PM
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