The tyranny of 'yes' and the freedom of 'no'

The English language contains a wealth of tiny words, some of three letters and some of only two. Only two of those words are emphatically declarative, however - the word 'yes' and the word 'no.'

'Yes' is such an easy little word. It needn't even be uttered aloud to be heard in a facial expression, or a thumbs up sign, or an infinitesimal inclination of the head. 'Yes' is often heard in social, economic and political settings when silence and inattention allow expediency, tradition or authority to do whatever it wants with impunity.

Usually meaning ready agreement or acceptance, 'yes' has an aura of happiness about it that can, when the results of its reality are known, be highly deceptive at best and the total reverse at worst. There's the gleeful and loving 'yes' to a marriage proposal that ultimately ends in divorce. There's the pleased agreement to do something at a future date that turns into self hate as the date nears. There's the 'yes' of a spur of the moment purchase that becomes abject horror on seeing that fashion statement reflected in your bedroom mirror. There's the doting 'yes' to a sleep over for four thirteen year old friends of your daughter that becomes a raging migraine at their squealing antics by midnight. There's the continuous 'yes' in some cultures that means 'not in this lifetime but I won't hurt your feelings by saying what I really think.'

All evidence to the contrary, we continue to think of 'yes' as a positive word. 'Yes' implies one is 'for' something, yet those three little letters get us in the kind of trouble we'd avoid at all costs if we stopped to think about it. The size of our trouble depends only on the magnitude of the consequences of that 'yes'...the 'yes' that supports a lie or a cover up that when known destroys all credibility and trust...the 'yes' that pilfers just a bit of cash from the till that turns into charges of embezzlement...the 'yes' that falsifies your credentials and ultimately costs you a lucrative job when said credentials are checked...the 'yes' to trying cocaine or crack that leaves you with a habit you can't break...the 'yes' that puts you into a community, gang or cult where the only means of exit is a glass of fancy Kool-aid.

The two letter word 'no' is not so easy. Uttering 'no' has an aura of finality, or negativism, of disappointment and denial. Using the 'no' word generally requires thought and commitment, the possibility of giving offense or causing anger. When it comes to the end results, the word 'no' is usually a positive response for the grief it avoids, for the strife it circumvents, for the harm it will not consciously inflict.

'No' is the most important and powerful word in any language, and the rhetoric of 'no' defines a rainbow of possibilities. There is the sensitivity of the polite 'no' with reasons explained. There is the laughing 'no' of absurdity or foolishness forgiven. There is the emphatic 'no' of complete refusal. There is the apologetic 'no' for confusion avoided. There is the protesting 'no' that marches to its own drum, there is the petitioning 'no' that advances the art of disagreement to a literary achievement, there is the blasphemous 'no' that refuses to accept on faith alone, there is the tolerant 'no' that disdains bigotry, hatred, and ignorance, and there is the peaceful 'no' that will not adopt militancy or militarism or might at the point of a gun.

Individually and as a nation of people who believe in choice and the conscience of choice, it would behoove us to practice saying the word 'no' in all it colorful forms, especially the 'no' that will not allow others to speak or think for us when we are capable of speaking and thinking for ourselves.